first and last
i was a lot of first for you
first love i like to believe
first date
first kiss even if it was 3 or 4 years before what we were this past year
first girl who met all your family
first girl you fucked (notice how i didn’t say make love cause i know that will be someone who’s isn’t me)
i’m also a lot of your lasts
last girl who will hold you high above them self. treat you like the god your not.
the last who will come to every baseball game no matter how far or how cold or how hot or if it’s raining. cause i did sit in the rain a couple of times for you.
the last who is fine with how busy you are and understands that you won’t always have time for them.
you see i earned the name of the crazy ex girlfriend cause i was so fucking crazy about you.
and when i lost you. i didn’t know what to do. you see i was lost. maybe i still am but i understand now what i deserve.
i deserve someone who even if they’re busy they still try to make time. someone who wants to make love to me. not just fuck. someone who treats me like i am worth their time. like they love me. like i actually fucking mean something to them. someone who wants to read my favorite book because it’s my favorite. because they love me so much they wanna read something i love.
you see. i’m the best you will ever have. you will compare all your future lovers to me. you will look for me in them. you will frown and hate yourself when you realize that no one will ever treat you how good i did
but me
i will compare every lover to you but not for what i want but for what i don’t want. not for how i want to be treated but how they shouldn’t treat me. you didn’t teach me anything besides what i deserve.
you were my first love.
my first heartbreak and
my first and last lesson on how not to be treated
K.H.A
